Bachelor Party Dos and Don’ts

Now that we’re decidedly in the off-season (unless you’re playing winter ball in which case congrats!), it is wedding and therefore bachelor party season. Just because you are a professional (or collegiate) athlete doesn’t mean the world is out to get you. It does, however, mean that sometimes you need to watch your back.

As a cautionary tale, I have a friend who– at a bar during spring training a few years ago–punched a guy in self-defense and everyone tried to make him out to be the bad guy. And even though it all got cleared up in the end, it messed with his reputation for a while because every time you’d Google his name, “bar fight” would pop up next to it. He also lost some fans who believed the (false) initial reports. Anyway, all I’m saying is you need to be a bit more careful than the average person. The words “careful” and “bachelor party” don’t seem to go hand-in-hand, but we’ve compiled a list of Bachelor Party Dos and Don’ts. Some of them may seem pretty obvious, but most of them are based off of actual mishaps.  

If you’re traveling outside the country (that includes Mexico), do: Bring your passport.

Don’t: Lost it.

Do: Try to check into your hotel rooms under false names. Although this one can have real benefits, mostly it’s just fun coming up with fake names (Seymour Dick, anyone?).

Do: Plan the party in advance.

Don’t: Have it the night before the wedding.

Do: Plan out how you’re going to pay in advance (we all know that one guy who somehow still believes that minor league ball players make bank–don’t let him make you foot the bill).

Don’t: Let the bachelor pay for anything.

Do: Bring your license/ID and some form of payment.

Don’t: Bring all of your credit cards.

Do: Use the How I Met Your Mother wingman tactic of starting a sentence with “Haaave you met Ted?”

Don’t: Follow that sentence with “He’s a pitcher for the Baltimore Orioles.” Women can be sneaky sometimes especially when they know they’re dealing with a professional athlete.

Do: Have your bro’s back. Always.

Don’t: Get into a bar fight. It always ends up being way more trouble than it’s worth. And, even if you were defending the bachelor, if the party ends early because you got arrested you’re going to look like the bad guy.

Do: Bring a change of clothes for the bachelor. You never know where the night’s going to take you and you don’t want the bachelor looking too sloppy.

Don’t: Take pictures. Period. This is probably the most important. Sure you may think you just have an innocent picture of Bobby wearing some girl’s tiara but in the background the bachelor’s taking a hit from a bong. Remember the Michael Phelps incident?

Do: Let the bachelor do whatever he wants (within reason).

Don’t: Lose him.

Do: Know the groom’s line (I’m talking to you, Best Man).

Don’t: Let him cross it.

If you drink, do: Stay hydrated.

Don’t: Forget to mix some food in somewhere.

That’s all for now. If you have any you’d add, please comment below!

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